What do public speaking and playing golf have in common?

“I’ve always longed for adventure. To do the things I’ve never dared And here I’m facing adventure then why am I so scared.”

      Walking to the podium to speak to an audience? Slipping behind the wheel for your first driving test? Standing on the first tee at Augusta National? Watching your bride walk down the aisle toward you? Nervous, doesn’t quite describe how you feel. Sweaty palms? Weak knees? We all get nervous. Even the pros. The question is how do you get your butterflies to fly in formation?

“It (Confidence) tells me all I trust I lead my heart to. All I trust becomes my own. I have confidence in confidence alone. Besides which you see I have confidence in me!”

   As Maria von Trapp (played by Julie Andrews in Sound of Music) begins her trip to serve as the governess to a widower and his seven children. A position she’s always wanted, but she’s scared now that the opportunity is here. She realizes that sometimes one just has to have confidence that by stepping out confidence will come.

   Some hesitate in learning new activities like public speaking or playing golf. Often it’s because they’re afraid that they will look bad. So, how do you minimize your butterflies (or at least get them flying in formation)?

• Preparation. Decide what you want to say. Figure out what shot you want to hit. Prepare your speech opening with your audience in mind. Create a solid pre-shot routine. Simplify each of your points. Practice taking the swings you will need during your round. Close with a strong emotional statement that pulls your points together. Make 3-foot putts into each hole on the practice green.
• Visualization. Checkout the auditorium where you will be speaking ahead of time. Walk out on the first tee. Stand at the podium. Picture yourself standing in that same spot. See the ball land in the middle of the fairway. Imagine the audience listening to your every word. Visualization can help each of us overcome demons of panic and the tendencies of flight and fight.
• Sensation. Your five senses tell your brain what’s going on around you at all times. You may not be aware of them, but your brain knows. Take a big whiff of the smell of the green grass. Feel the edge of the podium. Hear the birds flying overhead. Take a sip of water. Look around you.
• Execution. Sometimes the only thing standing between you and significant accomplishment is to just do it. Stand up. Go through your pre-shot routine. Waiting for confidence is like waiting for pigs to fly. Speak up. Take a deep breath. Let it out slowly during your backswing and just rip it. It’s just not going to happen by itself. Stepping out is the only way to step through.

   “All I trust becomes my own.”  When all is said and done what do you want out of your life?  Prepare it. See it. Feel it. Trust it. Own it.

Quotations are from “I Have Confidence.” Richard Rodgers, Oscar Hammerstein. 1961.

How am I doing?

   Former mayor, Ed Koch, was well known around New York City for his introductory phrase, “How am I doing?” He wanted to know what the citizens of the largest city in America felt about how he was running things and New York citizens, not known for their shyness, were always ready with a response. Feedback.

   My son could beat me hands down in every single electronic game we ever played together. I really stunk. I wore blisters on my thumbs, but I wanted to do it my way.I didn’t want to hear his feedback.  After many attempts, I finally gave up electronic games. Bringing it up to present day, now I have a grandson who will soon be into electronic games. What’s a grandfather do? Anyone know of a electronic game instruction school? While we all want feedback, we often turnaway from the truth. It’s uncomfortable. Simon Sinek recently said, “It’s better to endure the discomfort of the truth now than suffer the discomfort of the lie later.” Feedback.

    Golfers of all ages and genders want to know how they’re doing. They ask their foursome to check their next swing. They watch their reflection in the mirror. They video themselves. They talk with the pro in the pro shop or the big box golf store. They keep extra statistics about every shot and round. Feedback.

   So, how am I doing? We recently conducted our annual customer survey. In past years, we’ve asked about our service and about our family focus. Our customers’ comments and suggestions have helped us shape our offerings to better serve them. This year’s focus was on the summer time. I’m looking forward to seeing what we can do to better serve our customers next summer. Feedback.

   When was the last time your golf pro asked you how he or she was doing? We all need it. Even golf instructors. Feedback.

Let’s Celebrate! It’s Just S.M.A.R.T!

   “Know what you want, go and get it, and when you’ve got it take time to celebrate.” For over 20 years now I’ve shared this quote with those I meet and more recently on our website. Most say that the hard part is the ”going and getting.” I’m more inclined to suggest that the “knowing” part is the hardest because I keep changing my mind. Those ideas are well and good, but based on behaviors perhaps the part less executed is the celebration. I don’t know about you, but this is really true for me. I don’t take time to celebrate very often.

   Recently, my family threw me a small party (I like small!) for my 60th birthday. We had a great time together sharing memories and thinking about the next 60 years (yeah, right). Celebrations don’t have to be huge. They don’t have to be extravagant. They just have to be.

   So, how long has it been since you and your golf instructor celebrated your achievements? I do trust that you and your instructor are working toward Specific, Measurable, Accountable, Reasonable, and Timely (S.M.A.R.T.) Goals. Remember, if you don’t know where you’re going any road will take you there. And while you’re at it, take time to celebrate as you pass milestones on the way to your goals.

   Tonight we’re celebrating the 5th anniversary of our opening and the success of the first year of our beginner golf school. Last year I set a goal for us to establish a golf school to help beginners get in and stay in the game. Since then we learned SNAG instruction methodology, acquired SNAG equipment, created a curriculum for beginners, and taught over 40 women and children how to take the first steps toward playing the game for the rest of their lives. We met our goal. So, we’re celebrating achievements, but much more we’re celebrating the opportunities the future holds for our students.

   Learn, practice, and play and don’t forget to take time to celebrate!

When it comes to golf instruction, who do you trust?

   Growing up in the family of the only doctor in the county, it was very clear to me that if someone had a medical question in our county they were going to see Doc Graves. When it came to medical care, he was the last word. Today I live in a county where hundreds of physicians and surgeons practice every day in multiple hospitals, clinics, and offices. What criteria does a mother use today to determine the medical care of the family members?

  Some promote themselves based on complex information systems that help their patients manage their own health information linked to the health providers. Some suggest they are the best because of the certification of their staff.  Others, tout the number of procedures they have done hoping that if you need one of them that you’ll choose them. There are even health organizations that try to get us to believe that we should trust them because of their beautiful new facility that has all the comforts of home. Who do you trust?

   When it comes to golf instruction, how do you decide who to trust? Is it important that the person be a PGA member? Do you look for a pro that has a great set of technology to show your golf shots and document the progress you’ve made? How about the number of lessons the pro has given? Is that important? Or, are you looking for someone who practices at a beautiful facility? Or, maybe it’s something else.

   Sales training tells us that people buy when they (1) know, (2) like, and (3) trust you. So, getting to know the above information about a golf professional is the first step. Do they teach the one-plane, two-plane, or the stack-and-tilt methods? Second step is to get to like them. Do they talk to you on your level and patiently answer your many questions? Are they interested in knowing your learning styles and adapting their lessons to you? Let’s be honest here, there are some people who just rub others the wrong way and if you’ve got a pro that you don’t know or like – fire them - because you’ll never trust them no matter how long you take lessons from them.

   Over 25 years ago I contracted cancer. Dad prodded me to go see a physician ASAP. Who to choose? First, I went to my family practitioner, someone who specializes in family health who referred me to a local interest, someone who specializes in treating internal problems. After examining me, the second physician referred me on to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania (HUP) because in his words, “I only see one of these a year and you want to go to someone who sees these everyday.” He was right and I trusted his opinion. My physician at HUP turned out to be a world-leading oncologist, someone who specializes in treating cancer. For the next 18 months I trusted him explicitly to direct my treatment because I knew other physicians put their trust in him and because I liked how he carefully explained everything to my wife and me and took an interest in our very young family.

   So, back to golf. Who’s your pro? How many golfers have they seen like you? How’s their “bedside manner?” Do they really care about helping you play better and have more fun doing it or are you just filling a lesson spot on their calendar? In going through my ordeal with cancer I had to completely trust my physician. The same is true in golf, to get better you’ve got to completely trust your golf pro. If you don’t trust them, ask for a referral to someone else. You’ll get better quicker with someone you trust.

Who’s Going To Teach Your Children to Play?

  Great introductory session Thursday evening with nine women. I started the session as I do and asked them why they want to invest time to learn the game. One by one each of the attendees shared their reasons. One wanted to enhance her career. Another came because her husband “pushed her into coming.” But, most of the women were there because they wanted to play with their families. Some had children who were getting into the sport and wanted to better understand the game to play with them. A few mentioned that they are now “empty nesters” and are looking forward to playing with their spouses. In summary, these women don’t want to be “left behind.”

   Over the last decade the golf industry has begun to look at itself as never before.  Programs like “Play Golf America” and “Get Golf Ready” offered by golf courses around the country have had some limited successes, but neither has been able to restart the industry. Other programs like First Tee have focused on drawing children into the game. Terry Anton, President of SNAG, announced this week in Asia his company plans to introduce golf to 100 million children over the next several years through schools. But, none of these address the root problems.

   Golf takes an investment of time and money many families can’t afford to make right now. So, if families are going to spend precious resources on something so “frivolous” as golf, it had better add solid value to the family. It can’t just be entertainment, but must teach the family to function together better, to be better citizens in the community, and be better persons. Adherence to rules (honesty), understanding of etiquette (integrity), and learning to live with one another (compassion) are vital to our communities and our future as an industry.

   Golf’s been around for centuries and often known as a man’s sport. Indeed rumor has it that G.O.L.F started out as “Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden.” However, over the last decade golf has stopped growing and efforts to get it restarted have failed. Maybe now the powers to be will really look at how the game fits within our changing culture. Who’s going to take the lead? My bet is on Mom.

   It’s Mom who controls the family’s valuable resources. It’s Mom who makes sure that they are invested in the things necessary to ensure the family grows up and grows closer together. It’s Mom, who instead of being left behind, will learn to play the game. It’s Mom who will show her toddler how to hold a club and roll the ball toward a make-believe cup. It’s Mom who will teach the children how to follow the rules and how to be courteous to others on the course. Mom will play golf with her children on Saturday mornings instead of sitting and watching them at soccer games.

   Golf is a sport your whole family can play together for a lifetime. Isn’t today a great day to get yours in the game?

Re-Building Golf Instruction: Three Necessary Ingredients!

   Over the years I’ve watched many golf lessons, taken some, and given a few. After the lesson package is over and the money is spent, how does the student assesses their results? Let me suggest several questions students ask themselves.

Did I have a fun time?
   Today’s world is filled with high stress producing work and entertainment. “Work hard – Play hard.” or “I need a rest from my vacation.” We sacrifice our rest in pursuit of the perfect vacation we can boast about on Facebook or Twitter. Great pictures abound. Look at what we saw or did. Question: is was it really fun? At the end of the session are you bound up with so much more to do than when you started? The first ingredient must be to play and have FUN.

   At Play-a-Round Golf School, our slogan “Teaching works best when fun comes first” goes right to the core of the problem. Lots of fads come and go. Heading off to the fitness gym is the current fad. Running, walking, or spinning in place for an hour. Really seems boring to me. Better body, but bored. Where’s the fun in that? Playing is much more fun!!

Do I have more confidence in my swing?
   Students must be see accomplishment(s). Games are a great way to get our minds off instruction and let our bodies learn something new. When the PC first came out we were taught how to drag-and-drop using the mouse by playing Solitare. Our company actually encouraged us to play on the computer to help us learn; that is until they learned how many other games were coming down the pike. Games like Tic-Tac-Toe help our students learn how to manage speed and direction of their putts. Who cares how far my drives went, when I won a game of “Chip over the Alligator?” Before we know it, our students are mastering their golf swings. Play builds confidence!!

Do I want to continue?
   The movie “What about Bob?” portrays Richard Dreyfuss as leading psychiatrist who suggests to his patient played by famous golfer, Bill Murray, that he can only get well by taking baby steps. Unfortunately, to meet expected value/price points too often golf lessons shotgun-blast scores of golf tips to correct the errant golf swing.  No fun in that. Too many tips to write down, besides Ben Hogan often said that you can’t take a confident swing if you have more than one or maybe two swing thoughts in mind. Too much, too quick equals too complicated. Forget it. Play is addictive!!

   At Play-a-Round Golf School, we begin our classes by teaching strokes taken on the green (short stuff) where our students learn to rock their shoulders. We then work outward from the hole to the “chip swing” where students learn to turn the body and then to the ”pitch swing” where they learn to add their  arms. Finally, we help them take a “launch or full swing” to get the ball high into the air by adding power to their swing. Each session is filled with games to create fun, enable accomplishment, and encourage our students to continue playing the game.

   So, there you have three objectives to our golf school instruction. Did the students have fun? Can they confidently demonstrate what they learned? And, finally, will they continue their step-by-step pursuit of the game? Our students and their children tell us that it’s working. Stay tuned as we help our students to play around this wonderful game.

Fight for your relationship, not to win the argument! At Home and Work!

And they lived happily ever after . . .” is how most fairy tales end. In reality, every relationship, no matter how happy, suffers its share of conflict and argument. If it’s going to endure, both partners need to know how to fight fair. Follow these rules for arguments that don’t end in tears—or worse:

• Address issues promptly. Don’t let resentments simmer. If something bothers you, bring it up within a reasonable amount of time (48 hours or so).
• Know what you want. Have a clear goal in mind before you begin discussing the issue. Simply making your partner feel bad isn’t productive or healthy for a relationship.
• Own your feelings. Don’t go on and on about what your partner did. Talk about how you feel about the problem. So-called “I-statements,” like “I feel angry when you don’t listen to me,” tell your partner what the real issue is.
• Treat each other with respect. Refrain from name-calling, accusations, and absolutes like “You always” and “You never.” Keep your voices down, and make an effort to really listen to the other person’s point of view.
• Keep it private. Don’t argue in front of your family, especially your children. If necessary, make an appointment to discuss the issue.
• Don’t let it drag on. Try to set a time limit for resolving the issue. Most arguments shouldn’t last more than 15 minutes. If you need more time, schedule it, or consider working with a marriage therapist.
• Hold hands. If possible, try to hold your partner’s hand while arguing. This simple gesture can help both of you stayed focused on what’s important—the health of your relationship.

   Each of the above can be used in issues with co-workers except, of course, for the last one. The key is always working through the issues not working over the other person.

[Article first appeared in the September 2011 issue of Family Times published monthly by Play-a-Round Golf. To receive your own copy, just send your mailing address to starter@playaroundgolf.net.]